Thursday, May 8, 2014

Table of Contents for "Mexico A Sunny Place For Shady Men"

“Mexico a Sunny Place for Shady Men”

By Rebecca Harrand Fass

Every month I will change out a chapter to read here as a sample of the book.

A Single Gringa in Mexico & Mexico a Sunny Place For Shadey Men.

One of my Vampire's in my life claimed that he owned the photographs I used on my covers of my two books so they were removed from Amazon while they investigated his absurd claim. He was proven wrong by the properties of the photographs. However,  I made a new cover and combined the two books as one. Something I wanted to do anyway. If you are given a lemon make lemonade.

The new title is, "When Given an Avocado Make Guacamole," with both books within, with the same titles. The book is finished and up as a Kindle & a paperback. You can order the Kindle version via this link to read on your Kindle, laptop or Iphone.

You can order for  your laptop or PC download this free

Many thanks go to:

My best friends and, family in Mexico and, the United States who have shared these experiences with me, you are too many to list.

My proof reader; Freddy Lewis and his wife Linda in Houston who have been supportive and helpful with my writing.

My editor; Rebecca Frey..

My publisher; and a writer of 2 books, Demetrio Aldana.

My book cover designer, Laura Gordon.

About the Author:

Rebecca Harranad Fass is a U.S. Army Veteran. She’s traveled the world to over 70 countries, has worked in India with Mother Teresa, and is a former Board Member of the Jane Goodall Institute.

She is owner of Bekka Designs, you can see her designs on Facebook:

She is the writer of a blog, A Single Gringa in Mexico on blogger at:

She wrote and published “A Single Gringa in Mexico” which you can buy on Amazon as a ebook or a paperback:

What more is there to say about this writer? Except that she is an open book as you will see while reading her story.

Chapter 1 Why & How Did My Last Chapter of My First Book Become the Beginning of my present?
Chapter 2 The Second Disappearance Or The Beginning Of The End.
Chapter 3 No Happy Ending’s.
Chapter 4 How I Became Low Rider In The Baja.
Chapter 5 The View Is Very Different From A Wheel Chair.
Chapter 6 The Ladies I met at “Ladies, Let's Lunch!”.
Chapter 7 The Pivotal Moment.
Chapter 8 While Dreaming, To Fill the Void, I Picked Up My Pen And Began To Write Poem’s.
Chapter 9 I Lie, you Lie, we all Lie!
Chapter 10  How I Got Away.
Chapter 11 OMG He Is Pissed!
Chapter 12 You’re Back & Why Are You Leaving Again?
Chapter 13 Friends Deaths Resolved at Last.
Chapter 14 They Say There Are No Social Services in Mexico.
Chapter 15 Then I Began To Travel In Search Of A New Home.
Chaper 16 San Miguel de Allende Again Seemed So Right.

Chapter 11, "OMG Was He Pissed."

Chapter 11

OMG Was He Pissed

In the last email I received from “Selfish” after leaving him, besides telling me I was too old for him (not a problem when he met me and certainly not when he moved in with me), thanking me for paying the last month’s rent for him, then finally, “I hope you won’t write about me.”

Later I was talking to one of his longtime friends and an employee from when he worked seven years ago, who had become disappointed with “Selfish” and she asked me if I had heard from him. I told her I had read only one email and told her what it said. She said, “Well he knows you write about your life good or bad.”

I told her, “yes,” I had been writing a journal draft in my blog since the time he had pushed me on Christmas Eve. I did it as I wanted a record in case the abuse got to the point he murdered me, so that the facts would be there. Also, that I had sent it to my editor, before I left Selfish and published it the day I did leave him. She responded, “Well he is lucky you did not use his name or photographs.”

Five weeks later, someone told him about my blog and that I was writing about him. Of course “Selfish” was upset, and had to validate himself as a good person and not the one I had written about.  So he sent out a mass email to everyone we both knew. He distorted time sequences and ran situations into each other. He lied about me in so many ways and about his part in my falls and his care-giving.  Some of what he stated was true, but he did not understand or accept the reasons.

What “Selfish” never did understand was that his being an illegal alien in Mexico: with no passport, VISA, FM or working papers.  He was hiding from his huge debt of child support, and working illegally in Mexico to avoid his pay being garnished by the state of California, and he was not paying Mexican taxes or United States Federal taxes. Slander is a serious offense punishable by jail time and/or deportation.  This is the reason that I have always used pseudonyms. He named me by my legal name, my nic-name and also the title of my book and blog.  So since truth is stranger than fiction, I am sharing the true time sequence of these emails and responses.

 From: Selfish
Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2013 4:04 PM
To: 11 people who showed on the email.
(However there were many more in BCC as I heard from several of them later.)
Subject: Let the drama subside Friends-

Many of you have no doubt, heard about or read Rebecca Fass latest Single Gringa blog.  A friend passed along the link to me today to read for the first time and naturally, I have found the reading quite shocking.

Let me assure you that these personal characterizations of me and Bekka’s very selective and abstract perceptions of what transpired between us in our short lived relationship make for some pretty juicy fiction.  I want to state emphatically that I have never abused anyone in my life, and really am not the cold hearted bastard she makes me out to be in her treatise.

(Documented bruises, recordings by friends when he was abusing me and isn’t leaving your dog behind in the street to fend for itself when you move abuse of another kind as well as the abuse of my 4 Chihuahua’s and not supporting your children?)

I guess there is some truth to that adage about a scorned woman’s fury.. (Who left whom?)

After Rebecca and I met in Ensenada, and began seeing each other once in awhile, (Everyone knows it was not once in a while, as they saw us out and about together, and his spending many nights at my house.) she pursued me aggressively, following me back to San Diego when I moved back up there, staying in hotels in town just to see me and then moving to Rosarito so she could be closer.  (Yes, when he asked me I came to San Diego and stayed in hotels and paid for them and he stayed in them with me, only for one night, leaving his son home alone to fend for himself.) Our weekends together turned into three and four day stints as she did everything she could to make life comfortable for me to be with her.   (They were three or four nights when he came down to stay with me and again left his teenage son alone in San Diego to fend for himself and of course his son felt uncomfortable.) We did have a nice thing together, were good friends and enjoyed dancing and going out quite a bit.  I made it clear to her from the beginning, however that I was not really the guy for her long term (and I knew she was not the woman for me and I didn’t really want to be husband number four or another boyfriend like the heroine addict, the drug smuggler or the drummer who had come before me).  We settled in to a comfortable and very nice relationship together but she continued to press for more commitment.  (I never pressed for more, as I was getting a widow’s benefit that would stop if I married him, a person who had no job or income.)

 She asked me to marry her and move back to San Miguel more than six times, for what she called the final chapter in her life.

(I never asked him to marry me not even once, I did say that I wanted to be married one day and did not say to him. I also asked him once to come on a vacation to San Miguel de Allende with me, but never to move there with me. That was when he told me he could not travel outside of the Baja as he did not have a passport, Visa or legal status in Mexico.)

I let her know that I was nowhere near the final chapter in my life and in fact, living in Baja has almost made me put my own  book down altogether.  (Who is unhappy in the Baja?) After the recession I needed to rebuild my business and my life to what it used to be like. The obvious age difference between us notwithstanding, I knew that my very active lifestyle was never something she could really share with me. She never seemed to get the message that I needed to be near my kids, my professional life and the area I call home for about a million reasons.  I think Bekka was just in denial.  (He abandoned his children as he did his dog and never paid a penny in child support. He had no professional life and he could not afford his active life style any more, including his expensive hobbies. I discussed with him from day one our age difference. His response was you’re the same age as my ex-wife and the age difference was not why I left her. Most people thought he was older than I as he looked older.)

 Bekka’s insecurities and anxieties centered around needing love and attention but really turned her into a control freak.  Her obsessions with trying to control me and what I did every minute and every decision I made became unbearable at times.  I couldn’t be friends with this or that person, I couldn’t do about fifty things I love to do or another one hundred and fifty she couldn’t do with me.  There was always a continual list of the things she hated and places she would not go and people she didn’t like.  It really was pretty negative to be with her at times.

(I only disliked his friend Belize and I stopped doing things at the end with him as I did not want to spend any more money on what he wanted to do. Taking him out to dinner alone was expensive as he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and drank like a fish out of water. He could have done any of the 150 things he liked to do if he had the money to do them. I suppose when the purse stops paying for the gigolo it does get difficult.)

She always had to have the last word on every subject and knew best about everything, probably just another way her Ego got some gratification I guess.  (Funny, This statement from a man who always had to tell everyone what to do in their personal or professional life and interrupted everyone when having a conversation with his opinion.)

Her insecurities stretched to contacting my family and my kids on facebook as if she was going to be the new wife of their Dad.  I had never given her the Ok to do that and have always thought that introducing your family to your new relationship was supposed to be my job  – in my own way when the time was right.  Bekka continued posting pictures of us together everywhere we went and everything we did so my facebook page started becoming the Bekka channel.   (A normal thing couples do who are living together.) I didn’t mind this once in awhile but it really got out of hand. I’m a private person and believe I should have control of my own page, which she took as me saying I wasn’t proud to be with her etc. (He brought his son down to meet me and stay with us. We then became friends on Facebook, I never asked any of his family to be friends first. Even when they have asked me to be friends I asked him if it was okay and he said “no”. I then told them that he said I could not befriend them, but not to worry as I am public, so if they wished to follow me they could. They are all proud of me for wising up and leaving him and are still in touch with me. )

Maybe I wasn’t in the final scheme of things as she continued to get more and more overbearing  and began to have manic episodes where in addition to her blood sugar getting out of whack from drinking three bottles of wine a day she would start breaking things or injure herself with repeated ‘accidents’ simply to get attention.  (Yes, 3 bottles of wine were opened each night for the two of us, his drinking them like cool-aid and having the major portion of each bottle: to the point I started to buy only two and then he would begin to drink beer when they were empty. So I then bought only one bottle and then he would begin to drink tequila.) Her ankle injury happened when she was chasing me around the house hitting me and breaking things because she read some 2.5 year old messages on my I phone to an old girl fiend- which was really none of her business.  I would never in a thousand years want to read someone else’s private communications from an old relationship.  (It was months before that I had read on his laptop those messages, and they had nothing to do with Christmas night, when I merely said to him, “ I cannot forgive or forget and want a relationship like Milagro and her husband and ours will never be like that, so will you please finally leave? He then pushed me. I was not chasing him or yelling.”) I ended up being the complete caregiver to a ‘Bitch on Wheels’ and did everything for her, even though she continually reminded me of what I was dong wrong or not good enough.  (I would have had better care in a gulag) I used to joke with my friends that as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning, I was already wrong about something.  Kind of wears on you after awhile.  I was afraid I would get carpal tunnel syndrome from flipping her off every time I walked around the corner out of her view. (I was always on the sofa with my leg up during my recovery, not able to follow someone around and mostly wanting to avoid him, as well I got up earlier than he did and went to bed earlier. I wish he had gotten carpal tunnel from flipping me off so bad in the bathroom that night that he broke my foot/ankle.)

She really scared me a few times as she always seemed to have a supply of one prescription drug or another which she regularly combined with alcohol- but there was nothing I could tell her because she used to be married to two doctors..   (I only took a few of the pain pills for a few weeks that my Doctor’s prescribed for me and stopped drinking when I did and everyone knows that.) There were many times when I wondered if she was going to wake up.  (Funny, since I got up every morning at 7 or 8 while he lay in bed until 9 or 10.) Several times she told me she really didn’t want to wake up, she hated the Baja, didn’t have any friends etc.  I guess there were some pretty serious warning signs. (I never said I hated the Baja and was getting my house in order to sell to return.)

I had to sneak around to commiserate with the few good friends I have in Baja, who were always there for me, helping me draw up my own escape plans, (How much more convenient did you need it to move out when Harley, Network and I packed your things for you and asked you to leave? I guess you also wanted me to pay your rent in a new place.)  or just to get away from her for a few hours.   (Yes, he did have to sneak around to see Belize who I refused to have in my condo or in my car. A man, who is now in jail in the U.S. waiting for deportation.) It became a real chore to be with Bekka in any way, and I had to put up with her looking over my shoulder in the office all day long, commenting and judging about every little thing I was doing, whatever it was.  (How could I look over his shoulder from a wheel chair, and I kept to myself my feelings about his constant lame projects that never made any money and got canceled.) I supported her with her ladies lunch group, but continually chided her for not charging more so she would come out in the black.  I think she needed attention so badly that to have this group meant everything to her, even though it never seemed to work out as financially feasible. (He made my posters and had me pay for a website to use paypal. When I left he high jacked my web site for his new project and my domains.)

 I never could bring myself to read her first book, but understand it to be eighteen chapters of her being a victim and how everyone around her does her wrong.  (47 Chapters, a book that he made the front and back covers for and, listened intently to as I read each Chapter to him when we first met. Most of the book is about what it is like living in Mexico as a single woman and not about everyone who has ever done me wrong.) I really don’t want to be the subject of her next work of fiction.  I am simply writing this note (way too long) to straighten out any misconceptions and hopefully put an end to ridiculous gossip.  I really do have more improtant things I would rather be doing with my time.    (Yes, get back to your many projects, that you do and, then cancel, that never make money but sound good to others when you brag about them, which I guess you are doing to look for funding.)
I think Bekka needs our compassion and understanding and could probably benefit from seeing some kind of therapist.  (I think a dictionary might help “Selfish”.) Her emotional swings and need for attention border on pathological.  Sitting at your computer all day on facebook and blogs so someone will talk to you out there is very sad.  I only hope that Bekka actually does have some of the good friends back in San Miguel that will be there for her and hopefully help her relax a bit and start getting out and experiencing life firsthand, instead of through her computer keys.  (From a man who sits all day at his computer coming up with one more idea to make a web site to bring in money without having to go out and meet people face to face, and sell it. Then cancels it and makes another one. Just because you make a web site does not mean that people are going to come to it without hard work and marketing.)

Like all of us, Bekka  needs someone to be there, to partner in all her neurotic anxieties and routines and to share a commitment with.  I’m grateful for my time with Bekka as she has many wonderful qualities and we did share a lot of good times together. (I am sorry I wasted both my time; 3 long years and money on him.)  

We all have different ways of healing after break ups, maybe writing a blog helps her somehow.  I just want to send her love and wish her all the best. (I wrote it while I was with him and published if after I left.)

Thanks for listening-  my apologies for anything in this ill-fated relationship becoming public which should really have remained private.

Personally I am doing fine and happy to be done with all the drama.


Yes, he is doing fine as he is living in the condo I paid for with Belize whose girlfriend has also left him do to abuse and, also being tired of supporting a man with no income or a job. Belize is also an illegal immigrant in Mexico and working illegally. He also mentioned in that last email to me, “By the way, I am not gay with Belize and I have never been unfaithful to you and, love you and I am constantly expecting as I enter each room to see my girl there and missing you.” It seems to me that he is protesting too much about not being gay.

I immediately received several forwarded emails from friends with his email in it, many who were not even in the copy to, but blind copied.  Well I cut and pasted the 11 people he had in the email he sent and sent this to each of them:

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't take pain pills, even after my surgery. I don't need to even bother answering his ranting's of lies. I never asked this man to marry me and he moved in with me to avoid being homeless. I paid for everything: he never paid rent, utilities, drinks, groceries, meals out.  I think everyone knows me well enough to not believe this crap. Except the one person who responded to him in support of his side of things. I believe you don't have to defend yourself, as if someone treats you badly; then they treat everyone the same. I know people know me for who I am. I would like to say that his saying that I had no friends and was alone etc, is not true. I suspected he would try to say that I said bad things about my friends to make himself seem innocent. There are recordings of the abuse he did to me and witnesses who wanted to take me to the police. Oh well, enough said and I am glad he finally read my blog. He is still living off of me as I prepaid the rental on the condo in Rosarito. Cheers, Bekka

Networker who was one of the people he had copied and I had cut and pasted to responded to everyone this reply:

I am indignant that you felt the need to clarify.  You do not need to explain yourself to anyone.  Those of us who know you know WHO you are, those who need clarification were never your friends.  What a sorry example of a human being that man is, I won't even say his name.  I am sorry you felt you needed to put yourself through this stress.  Of all people, I know first hand about how you "fell" on Christmas Eve as I was the one who took you to the hospital when that creep couldn't even do that after he "assisted" in your fall.  I would also like to clarify to anyone else reading this I was present at the hospital when you refused Vicodin or any narcotic.  My friend Lorena who had broken her foot begged you to take pain medication after surgery as she shared with you it was extremely painful and you still refused.  I also would like to share the reason I stopped visiting your home.  While you were convalescing and I was regularly visiting you Selfish was in a hurry to get to the door from his office and because of your wheel chair we were in the hallway.  I guess I was in his way because the next thing I knew he shoved me out of the way without even an excuse me.  That he felt he could be physical with someone he barely knew says a lot about who he is.  If this person continues to harass you please let me know.  He is a guest in this country and I can arrange for his return to the US where physical abuse of any kind is not taken lightly.  Be well, we love you and he is just spit on the bottom of someone's shoe.

A friend who I have known since I lived in Ajijic and was a neighbor of mine as far back as 99 responded to me with this email:

We love you!
No worries.

This was from my friend Star:

Networker, I am laughing so hard, I just peed a little...I have nothing left to say to the bastard, you've said it well!!!

Bekka, I am sorry you have to deal with this low life...Somehow you found the good in him cause you're a nice person but I would spit in his face for what he did to you...He will never ever be allowed in any function I take part of as long as I am alive and I will make sure to tell everyone I know who he really is.
Love you girl, stay strong, he'll be out of here soon now that everyone know the worm that he is.

Then later Star added:

Honey, your friends can care less about what he says, I am not even acknowledging him and stupidity. If he ever sends a message to me again, I will have my husband deal with him.
He's a worm, a low life and everybody in town knows is for him and his sidekick!!!
The best revenge is for you to really move on not just say it but actually live it.

I sent a personal message via Face Book to Sunshine asking her if she was on his mass email and this was her response:

I received it but wouldn't waste my time sending that bullsh-- to you!!  And it's not worth your time either!  I think he's just trying to CHA (cover his arse) but it's not working.  Just let it die an excruciating death for him.

My friend Milagro said that she was not sent his mass email, but her husband was and was not impressed.

This was from Baja Lotus:

Wow it is amazing how he can say so many rude things in a way that is supposed to make him look like a nice guy. Any woman that has ever been in a verbally or physically abusive relationship knows the men are master manipulators and twist things to meet their needs.

And, from one of his family members that I did not ask to be friends with but asked me:

It sounds like you have said all that you need to say. It is clear that you are loved by many. Stay strong and move on. There is nothing more to discuss with him. I may not know you through more than the written word, but I do know him, and I support you. God Bless.

 From a past close friend of his:

Try and block anything he says or does.
Don't let him control any emotion you have,
it’s not worth it
Put white flowers at the 4 corners of your property
burn sage and just think positive thoughts
That person is in your past
you've got a Brite future

 From a male neighbor of his from Punta Banda:

Oh my God.  I just finished reading, I wish you would have contacted me, I have no problem dealing with abusers of women. Especially narcissistic lil pricks. I'm glad you are back on track with your life. Honestly I never liked selfish, his son seemed very nice must have gotten his manners and attitude from his mother.  Wishing you a wonder filled day.

 And there were so many more…………………………….

I am continuing to write and, yes I started out writing about how my last chapter in my first book became my first chapter in my present one. Why I had to leave the Baja and my journey traveling back home to renew my life in San Miguel de Allende while making my plans to return back to the Baja, Ajijic, Texas or South Carolina.  The Baja changed me and I am like a fish out of water in San Miguel de Allende now. I am not the night creature I use to be, out every night and, dancing until dawn dressed to the nines. Yes it is nice being with my girlfriends again, but we are all living our lives in a very different way than before. It is nice to be back in my own bed and, having my Chihuahuas follow me around and, being free to roam the entire house and garden.  Going on long walks as Physical Therapy for my ankle and, doing day activities like the organic farmers market at the Rosewood, Art Fairs and Tuesday Market; meeting with my friends.

I am walking without any aid and not limping and even dancing.  I am still not walking on a beach, but then there is no beach in San Miguel de Allende.

I am over “Selfish” and, don’t miss him, but I still get angry when he stalks me even here, by trying to befriend my friends in San Miguel de Allende on Facebook. I don’t understand why he would do that. I am thankful that since he has no passport, FM or Visa that he cannot come to Central Mexico. I was over him way before I moved from the Baja and, had asked him many times to leave and, told him that I did not love him and, in fact hated him.  Even in my wheel chair I asked him to leave as his care was not there for me and, I could afford to pay someone to take care of me for less than it cost me to support him. But he was in denial.