We All React and Heal Differently to Death.
After Bling Bling cowgirl's murder the sisterhood changed. At her memorial everyone came to celebrate her life. In a letter to her mother she had asked us to celebrate her life if she died, instead of mourning her death. She had correctly feared that her ex-husband would kill her. She had installed an alarm system and, bought a gun, but left her back door open for her Chihuahua to go in and out all day. I kept suggesting to her that if he came to kill her, he would come in the back door during the day. She said that was impossible. I also suggested she keep the gun and the panic alarm with her at all times. Well, what I warned her against is exactly what happened. He came in the back door during daylight. Her gun and panic alarm were next to the bed but she was in the office on the computer, uploading photos to Facebook. This is why I know I would have saved her had I been there with her on this trip.
After the memorial, we all promised that we would be even closer now. But instead we splintered into separate groups, according to our reactions to her death and our different ways of mourning. The inner circle remained, and we each had a alter to her in our bedrooms with photos of her and us, Virgin of Guadalupe candles burning 24/7, and something personal of hers which for me was her makeup case she always took on chick trips with me. She always insisted we take a photograph of us putting makeup on in the morning, and I had to be wearing my curlers. One month later all the candles burned out. Some of us healed at that moment, and some of us put their grief away on her birthday at a Sisterhood fellowship at the Sunset Lounge where her memorial was held. We all wrote down a special memory of her and burned it in the candle. For me I wish it could have been that easy. I left that fellowship feeling sad and alone.
Her Memorial Video on Youtube.com:
Berkley and I were the strongest in the group, and we had our strong arms around everyone else and went home alone each night to cry after being brave all day. We threw ourselves into activities like events for our Singles of San Miguel de Allende group; planning speed dating, male auctions and pub crawls. It is exactly at these moments in time, when you’re vulnerable, that vampires enter your lives. That was the case for both of us.
I had thrown myself back into internet dating as the last man I had met in San Miguel de Allende before she died was, as usual, a 30 year old man who met me at Limerick’s. He would not believe my age and was following me around like a sick puppy dog. I told him the light was dim, so, of course, I looked younger. I had fun dancing with him and enjoying the evening. But even his father, whom he was traveling with, was younger than me.
As the night was ending, I knew from our conversation where he was staying, so I asked him if he wanted a ride home. He said he did. He probably imagined that I would come in with him. Instead, I drove to my son’s house and rang the bell. When he came out, I introduced them. He was so scared, he kept saying, "Oh my God, it is true and your son is so big and look at those tattoos."
My son said to him, "Don’t worry; it is fine come in and have a beer. I know my mother only too well and that nothing is going to happen between you."
I knew that I would never be able to go back to Texas after what had happened to our Bling Bling cowgirl. Every one of her family and friends was afraid of her living in Mexico, but she was killed in Texas, and I have heard numerous times from her friends and family that the police could have prevented it but they didn’t. After her ex-husband had shot her several times the police came. There was a restraining order against him. He answered the door and said everything was all right. They heard her in the background saying, "No, I am not." (A neighbor filmed this and put it on YouTube. It is no longer there.) He slammed the door, and she lay there for hours, shot in the back and bleeding to death, before the police came in.
I got off of Match.com and joined POF.com and started to search in California and Florida. I was lonely and grieving and looking for someone to share my life with. That’s a vulnerable position to be in, and disastrous if the wrong person enters your life at that time.
I remember telling my girlfriend Chicago in Ajijic that I was joining POF.com and she said, I would never join a site that is free and one of the questions is whether you own a car. In thinking back I realized she was so right in making that comment as every man I met on POF was down and out. So I moved on to okcupid.com. It is as hard to get off of these sites as it is to cancel a magazine subscription. I tried several times to get off, and I was still on. So I finally posted a photo of the ugliest dog in the world as my profile photo and downloaded porno photos from porno sites as my other photos and made an outrageous profile and was thrown out.
For those of you who have never seen a profile on a dating site. Here is one I put up recently. And remember, we all do what we must to heal and go on with our lives, so please don’t judge me:
Bekkamx (You make a handle name & add a photograph):
57 / F / Straight / Single
San Ysidro, California
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Height: 5' 9" (1.75m).
Body Type: Curvy
Smokes: No
Drinks: Socially
Drugs: Never
Religion: Catholicism but not too serious about it
Sign: Aries and it’s fun to think about
Pets: Owns dogs
Speaks: English, Spanish
My self-summary: Here I am on this dating site. I have been on match, POF, tagged, Zoosk and now this. It seems to be seriously lacking as it does not ask your weight, hair color or eye color. And Long Term dating is the biggest relationship choice. What about a long term relationship?
The long question and answer process to me seems worthless. I am honest about my age-something that seems to me most are not on dating sites–and my photos are recent. I am looking for a serious relationship and final chapter of my life with an honest, fun, intelligent man with whom I have friendship, lust & comfort, and who is brave. Is that too much to ask? I live in Ensenada across the border from San Diego.
When I say I am looking for someone who is brave, it is because I am tired of having to explain why I feel safer living in Mexico as a single woman the last 12 years of my life. Or when will you be in San Diego? Don't men travel anymore? I can move if I find the love of my life, can or will you?
What I’m doing with my life:
I am living my life in such a way that when my feet hit the floor each morning Satan shudders and says, “Oh, shit, she’s awake.”
I’m really good at:
Being an Independent pioneer woman in a expat community.
The first things people usually notice about me:
I appear to be a girlie girl, but I am, in fact, a manly woman, who is very independent and a leader, which tends to scare off men who are not the same. That I have a wicked sense of humor and even enjoy being the center of the joke.
Book - Atlas Shrugged, The Source, Aztec & most important The Four Agreements.
· Movies - romantic comedies
· Music - blues and old time rock & roll
· Food - Italian, seafood, veggies, salads
· The six things I could never do without:
· My 4 little Chihuahuas
· My family
· My friends
· Laptop
· Wine opener
· French press coffee maker
I moved to Mexico with my dogs and a carry-on suitcase with my laptop. I sold everything else and started over 12 years ago. I just moved from San Miguel de Allende, GTO to Ensenada, Baja California with my dogs, laptop and 6 suitcases as this time I kept all my boots, leather jackets, purses, perfect wine glasses, wine opener, French press & favorite coffee cups, and sold everything else.
I spend a lot of time thinking about:
What I will do when I grow up?
On a typical Friday night I am:
What is typical or normal? I like variety
The most private thing I’m willing to admit:
I am an open book. Honest and open; ask me anything
I’m looking for:
• Guys who like girls
• Ages 58-65
• Located anywhere
• Who are single
• For a long term relationship
You should message me if you’re brave, looking younger than your years, tall, honest, intelligent, have a sense of humor, are fun and are looking for a long term relationship. If you have read this far and want to know more about me, read my blog. I am writing a new chapter each night. Since it is a blog, read the last post first and go up as the most recent blog is the last.
http://asinglegringainmexico.blogspot.com
http://www.okcupid.com
