Thursday, May 8, 2014

Chapter 25 of Book 1

My Two Tourist’s, or “Mexico a Sunny Place for Shady Men.

I could write a book on pick-up lines alone. Or at least I could do a stand-up comedy routine out of them. This one is so absurd it is amazing that I fell for it. But, then again, I was not dating the local boys and was on the internet trying to look out of the box for dates.
I was out with three of my girlfriends at Harry’s, and we were sitting with some of our male buddies having coffee before heading home. A man across the bar sent over a round of drinks for us all. One of our male buddies hair stood up, and he sent them all back with a message that he could afford to pay for the drinks for the ladies at his table. I looked over at the man across the bar and thought he was really cute. I got up and went over to him and apologized for the rudeness of our friend. He said it was quite all right and asked if he could buy me a drink, since that was his real purpose anyway. I sat down next to him.
He said, “When you walked in the door tonight, I found myself thinking that you looked just like my wife who left me three years ago for a younger man and what it would be like to wake up next to you in the morning and help you find your glasses and plan our day.” We sat for the longest time talking. Then we realized we were the only ones left at the bar and thought we should be polite to the wait staff and leave. I offered to drive him back to his hotel. Of course, he invited me in. We sat talking until the sun was coming up, and he left a few hours later. When I got home he had sent me a wonderful Skype text about returning soon, and asked if I would go out with him.
Well, as with my usual karma he did come back and moved right in with me. Little by little, I started to have doubts about his being divorced; there were times there was silence on his business trips. So I hired my detective to do a search on him. We have a great detective in San Miguel de Allende, and he finds everything for you within a day. Of course, it came back that he was very much married.
By then I had helped him find his own apartment. He had things at my place, and I had things of mine at his place. He was leaving for business the morning after I received the report. As he left and kissed me goodbye and said he would call when he landed.
I said, “No you won’t, as I won’t be here! My things will be back at my house, and your things will be at your apartment as I know you’re married.” He said it was complicated and he would explain when he returned. I said it was a lie and so were many other things I found on the report; so no! It was very hard for me because we got along so well. He was fun and generous. The really sad thing is that he was the first man to give me an orgasm. I used to think that there was something wrong with me. But the fact was I had never been with a man before who took the time or cared or maybe knew how. It was a lot for me to give up, but it was one of our sisterhood rules we lived by. You have to hurt yourself instead of hurting another woman once you know. He and I are friends still.
We had thrown one girl out of our sisterhood for having an affair with a married man. She told us that he and his wife did not have sex anymore and that his wife knew he was having relationships with other women and did not care. This couple lived next door to her, which made things very complicated. We told her that if she believed him, then she should ask his wife if it were true and see if she objected. She did not have enough faith to go that far, so we thought she probably knew she was doing something wrong.
Oprah says men tell you when they first meet you who they are, but we don’t listen and end up leaving the relationship with exactly what we came into it with. I think that is very true. The signs are there and we choose to ignore them.
I was on a date with a man who was also a tourist. Remember we are always looking for the new kid in town or the possible tourist who is going to move to San Miguel de Allende. I know three happy couples who met this way. As we were leaving the bar to go to dinner several women, who were not in my sisterhood, came up to be introduced to him. I was standing back watching them flirt with him. Suddenly a man walked in and our eyes locked and there was an immediate and rare chemistry between us. He came over to introduce himself. Suddenly, the women were all over him, and my date and I left.
San Miguel de Allende is a very small town, and tourists only travel a block in any direction from the Jardin on their first trip. I call it the spoke of a wheel. I have observed this pattern over the years.
So the next day, as I was having coffee at the El Jardin café, he found me and came over and sat with me. Coffee became lunch and then dinner. We could not sit close enough to each other. He was pulling my chair closer to him each time my chair was too far from him. Women were coming up and introducing themselves to him the entire time, asking me where I had found him, how was I so lucky, and, of course, you always glob onto the best looking men who come into town.
When he walked me home, he said to me, I have something to tell you, I am not nor can I ever be monogamous. I replied, “Well then I guess you also don’t listen as I think I have been very clear with you that that is the only way with me, so don’t call on me again.”
He then changed his story to that he really didn’t mean it that way, that he had not been, but he could with the right woman, and he felt that it would be right with me. Well, as usual, he moved out of his hotel into my house. If we were dancing at Limerack’s, which is like dancing in a wave of people, no one else danced; they just watched us and would say to us, I want some of that. Again, there were breaks in communication when he would travel. So I asked him if he was seeing someone else.
He said yes, he was and she was married and knew about me and wanted to meet me. I was totally shocked. Now he wasn’t married, she was. To me this was still a moral situation that I did not choose to be in, and it was a lie. So I broke up with him. When he next came back to town, he actually brought her by to meet me, and she actually hugged me and asked if we could be friends. He then bent over to kiss me, and I bit him on his lip. Yes, Oprah is right. Listen very carefully to what they tell you at the beginning. I did have a weak moment one evening at Berlin when I was at the bar flirting with a guy and then turned around and we literally ran into each other. I could not help myself and we fell into each other’s arms and kissed for at least half an hour with everyone staring at us. Then I stopped and said no, this is not right and left.
I will end this with another bad pick up line, but this one I did not fall for. This plastic surgeon was at Harry’s sitting among many women and came up to me and said, “I have to have you; you’re a perfect woman, your face, your body! My god is that a real nose?  Women will judge me by who my girlfriend is, presuming that I operated on her.” I said, “well I judge a man by the first kiss, so kiss me,” and he grabbed me and kissed me and I kissed him back with my best kiss possible and then stood back and said sorry, next.”
Private Detective in San Miguel de Allende: